The Coach and the Co-Author: Why Your Action Plan Is a Trap
The scene is a familiar one, played out in countless offices and video calls. On one side, the Coach, armed with a whiteboard, a framework like GROW, and an encouraging smile. On the other, the Coachee, ready to have their problems solved and their potential unlocked. The conversation is action-oriented, forward-focused. Goals are set, obstacles are identified, action steps are listed. The session ends with the inevitable, practical question: "So, what will you commit to doing by next week?"
This model of coaching is alluring. It feels productive. It mimics the language of business and progress. It promises a clear, linear path from a problem to a solution.
It is also, in many cases, a trap.
This traditional, mechanistic approach to coaching is problematic because it is built on a flawed premise: that a human being is a machine to be optimised or a project to be managed. It seeks to install a new goal-setting software without ever examining the deep-seated operating system, the complex, contradictory, and powerful stories we tell ourselves about who we are and how the world works.
A coaching conversation that doesn't engage with our underlying narratives is merely rearranging the furniture in a room we don't understand. The work we do in mentokc conversations is founded on a different belief: the most powerful change comes not from a better action plan, but from inhabiting a better story. This is a collaborative, narrative coaching approach, and it requires us to deconstruct the failures of the traditional model through the four deep realities of human experience: Dynamics of Power, Unknowing, Meaning, and Belonging.
D: The Dynamics of Power and Change
Traditional coaching, for all its good intentions, operates within a subtle but distinct power hierarchy. The coach is the expert in the process; the client is the person with the "problem" to be fixed. The coach asks the questions; the client provides the answers. The coach "holds the client accountable," a phrase that positions the coach as a benign overseer of the client's progress.
This dynamic, however well-intentioned, subtly disempowers the individual. It can create a dependency on the coach for motivation and clarity.
The narrative approach seeks to radically flatten these Dynamics of Power. It is not a meeting between an expert and a problem; it is a collaborative inquiry between two people.
From Accountability to Authorship: The focus shifts from the coach holding the coachee accountable to the client reclaiming their sense of authorship over their own life story. The coach is not a manager but a "co-author," a curious partner who helps the person see their story from new angles. Change happens not because someone is checking up on you, but because you have gained a new perspective on your own agency and capacity.
The Coachee as the Expert: In a narrative conversation, the person seeking coaching is understood to be the sole expert on their own life. The coach holds no secret knowledge. Their skill lies in their curiosity, their ability to listen for the untold stories, and their capacity to ask questions that open up new possibilities rather than narrow down to a single solution.
This collaborative stance changes everything. It moves the locus of power back to the individual, encouraging resilience and self-reliance rather than dependency.
U: Unknowing
The traditional coaching model is often an enemy of Unknowing. Its entire structure is designed to move a person from a state of confusion to a state of certainty as quickly as possible. The ambiguity of the "Reality" is something to be overcome in order to get to the clarity of the "Options" and the "Will." It can be impatient with complexity and discomfort.
This rush to a solution often short-circuits the deep reflection that real change requires. It seeks a premature closure on questions that need to be lived with.
A narrative conversation, by contrast, lives and breathes in the space of Unknowing. It has the courage to stay in the mess.
Curiosity over Clarity: The primary goal is not to achieve immediate clarity, but to encourage a rich curiosity about the person's situation. The coach's questions are not "How can we solve this?" but "I'm curious, when this 'problem' is most powerful, what does it tell you about what you value?" or "Tell me about a time when this wasn't a problem, what was different then?".
Emergence over Planning: The narrative approach trusts that new possibilities will emerge from a deep, shared exploration of the person's story. It does not need to force an action plan. Often, as a person's perspective on their story shifts, the "next steps" become obvious and intuitive. They are not items on a checklist, but the natural expression of a new understanding. This honours the reality that life is complex and the future is not something to be planned, but something that emerges.
M: Meaning
The greatest failure of the traditional coaching model is its frequent inability to engage with Meaning. The focus on SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) is a perfect example. It is a framework for setting clear, achievable, and often completely meaningless objectives. One can have a perfectly crafted set of goals and feel an utter void of purpose.
The model optimises for the "what" and the "how," while often ignoring the far more important question of "why."
Narrative coaching is, at its core, a process of meaning-making.
Stories are the Vessels of Meaning: We understand our lives not through bullet points, but through the stories we tell. These stories shape our identity and our sense of purpose. A narrative conversation works directly with these vessels of meaning. The process involves identifying the "problem-saturated story" that has become dominant, and then actively searching for the seeds of alternative, preferred stories.
Connecting Actions to Identity: The goal is not just to change behaviour, but to connect a person's actions to a story about themselves that feels more authentic and empowering. An action taken because it's on a list feels like a chore. An action taken because it is an expression of "who I am and what I stand for" is a source of profound energy and meaning. This is the difference between a goal and a calling.
This focus on meaning is crucial. It addresses the deep-seated human need for a coherent and purpose-driven narrative, a struggle that is often at the heart of the challenges explored at the fractured self.
B: Belonging
Traditional coaching can be an intensely individualistic and isolating process. It often extracts the person from their context. The "problem" is located inside the coachee, and the solutions are to be found through their individual actions. It can fail to appreciate the immense power of the systems, cultures, and relationships that shape our lives.
A narrative approach is inherently relational and systemic. It understands that our stories are never written alone.
Our Lives are Co-Authored: Our sense of identity is shaped by our interactions with others, our families, our teams, our communities. A narrative conversation actively explores this. It asks questions like: "Who would be least surprised that you have achieved this?" "What message does your team's culture send you about this issue?" "Whose voices or expectations are you hearing in your head right now?"
Context is Everything: This approach helps the person see their problem not as a personal failing, but as a response to their context and their sense of Belonging (or lack thereof). It externalises the problem, allowing the person to form a relationship with the problem, rather than being defined by it. This creates space for new choices and reduces shame, connecting the individual's story back to the broader organisational story we so often explore at The Fractured Lens.
The aim of a truly powerful coaching conversation is not to produce a better action plan. It is to help a person inhabit a more expansive and resourceful story.
The shift is from a coach who acts as a project manager for your goals, to a coach who acts as a curious co-author in your life's narrative. This is the essence of the coaching conversations we facilitate at mentokc. We believe our role is not to provide frictionless answers or hold you accountable to a list, but to create a space of deep inquiry where a more powerful story can emerge.
The techniques of traditional coaching can be useful. But when they are mistaken for the whole process, they keep us trapped on the surface, endlessly polishing a story that no longer serves us.
So, the question we must ask is not, "What are your goals?". It is: "Of all the stories you could tell about your life and your work, which one do you want to live into next?"